We Confuse Love with Magnetism? The Theory of Opposites to The Test!

If you wonder why you always fall of people completely opposite to you or what kind of MM (magnetic curse) exert in men who do not suit you, attentive: perhaps find the answers here.

Theory of opposites, model 1:

Bad boy meets good girl. Bad boy passes her completely, but after much patience and feminine charm, after awhile… CHAS! It becomes a holy man and has you eating jelly beans in his hand.

Theory of opposites, model 2:

Remember that the office type whose name nobody is able to remember? The timid with oily hair, pints of nerd and a gifted brain for the bosses? Yes! Exactly that. As well, there are rumors that the gafapasta that drank the winds for centuries by the gorgeous and overflowing secretariat of direction. Yes, Yes, the same who spent hours and hours shopping at Asos page. Coincidences in life, one morning collided in the Garret that the company called kitchen. Paper fluttering through the air. A flirtatious giggle. Splashes coffee on Breaking Bad of it t-shirt. She apologizes with a seductive hair shaking. He is carbonizing beard with its own blush and… voila. Two weeks later I caught them eating to kisses in the company elevator. Can you believe it yourself?

Literature and film are replete with stories about disparate couples, complicated relationships and the redemption of a heartthrob when he finds true love. But in real life do we fall in love with someone completely opposite to us? And most importantly: such relationships are happy ending?

The key lies in how you perceive other

The research conducted by Nathan Hudson and Chris Fraley on the degree of satisfaction among similar couples and totally opposite pairs, found that members who share similar traits in warmth and emotional stability are more satisfied in their relationship than those others with traits of extroversion, openness of vision and responsibility in common. At the same time, and how data unexpectedly, they found that the fact of perceiving our very similar to us partner also woke up that feeling of happiness and sentimental satisfaction, although the similarity of features is not always real.

Equal in essence, different at a glance

Previous research we could deduct to find similarities with each other, even if it is a mere fantasy, gives us security in our relationship. However, we have consulted Carolina Aita Franceschini (coach and expert on emotional intelligence) on the theme of opposites and assures that the game of pairs is not governed by the same rules and sometimes we are attracted by this “another”.

Based on his professional experience, the emotional coach says that “the human mind tends to find that in what we differ in others while in emotional issues we put emphasis on search matches.” The fact of being different allows the couple to fulfill its purpose of being our mirror complement us and help us grow; but on certain issues, such as values, these should be supported to make the relationship work.” It also stresses knowing difference between values and behaviour within relationships. “Although values and essence, we are looking for people like us, it often we appeal behaviors that are different from ours”.

When face with the same stone

Perhaps you have a friend type Girls Marnie (with an extensive curriculum in emotional failures) that complains about his bad luck in love. He complains that he always falls for people that do not suit you, or who do not understand him; and despite everything, again repeating the same type of couple: their complete opposite.

“In general, the repetition of patterns respond to beliefs in our minds regarding the couple”, explains Carolina Aita. “Everything that we have absorbed as models during childhood and Adolescence can determine the type of man or woman you chose. “We can unconsciously be attracted by someone that is going to be difficult to make a relationship work and for this just purpose: that does not work”. The reasons for autocondenarnos failure may be very different: from the fear of commitment to not believe in romantic relationships by fear of failure. “It can also happen that people embark on a relationship after another without really analyzing what have learned from that previous link; and not because of a lack of maturity”says Aita; “rather it is due to a lack of emotional intelligence with all that implies: self-knowledge, management of emotions and relationships with others”.

Bad boy meets good girl

In the article ‘do really bad guys like us more?’, Rebeca Rus tells us how science has left evidence that today’s woman prefers not “bad” men, especially when you want long term relationships. However, during adolescence and early youth is not nothing strange feeling fascination with the hard and dangerous guy that not attending to standards and that is jumping from flower to flower (or crushing them) in their path.

“Choose men who do not suit us is determined in many cases by our self-esteem”, says Carolina Aita. When the adult female still looking for the bad guys of repeatedly (even having bad experiences already lived with them), “this preference responds to deeper issues the unconscious family and our family tree”. As we argued, many of our choices and decisions in adult life are determined by patterns and beliefs with those who have grown up and ‘the role it has played the female figure in the family sometimes is cause that their relationship works with success or not; in the same way, which also affects the expectations about the couple and the sense that is given to this.”

Twin souls to opposite poles: what us has happened, love?

The passage of time. That sometimes happens; and other, us exceeds.

With over the years not only the people are changing some features of his personality, values and lifestyle. The couple’s relationship also evolves and, sometimes, in that way run over into the future those who felt complementary discovered antagonistic: two poles opposite in this case do not meet the magnetic theory.

“Among the many reasons happen something like this, one of them may be that the relationship is based on wrong reasons; other, which the members of the couple have not worked responsibly in the link”says Aita. “Have nothing in common is almost impossible if that relationship has survived over time. So the problem might reside in the lack of interest to seek points in common.” The solution? Rediscover what we liked and still draws us from the other.

Conclusion: If opposite couples do not tend to be as opposite as they think, Affinity can be a subjective perception more than a reality, and much blame fate, is our thing that we appeal in a recurrent way the wrong people, It seems clear that the infatuation is capable of clouding us reason and sense.

Photos | Three meters above the sky, 50 shades of Grey, Big bang theory, I before you, Girls, Gossip Girl, Blue Valentine.

In Jezebel | Eventually, you would have a child with your best friend?


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